DAVID MANIA!!!

by

Nickolas Newland is one of my best friends. If you know us, this is a no brainer.

So of course when he came back from the Study Abroad Trip of 2011, I was immediately filled in on everything that encompasses Italia. BUT for a majority of all our international conversations, there seemed to be one thing he wouldn’t stop talking about.

That one thing was a man. A man that stands 17.0 ft, is made of Carrara marble and is completely nude from head to foot; Michelangelo’s David.

During all of Nick’s obsessive ramblings, he would repeatedly praise the man as if he were real.

“Karls!” he would say. “You just got to see him! He has the face of an angel and a body of a god!”

And if he wasn’t praising him as a whole, he would embellish over his hands or drool over his shoulders. During these obsessive ramblings I would half heartedly be listening, nodding my head when needed but rolling my eyes often, much like an interaction you had with your parents when you were 14.

This went on for two years and the second I received conformation that I would be going on the 2013 Trip, Nick was right on my heels telling me who I needed to see. I needed to see HIM! I agreed, mostly to relieve myself of the pest; the pest that had fallen in love with marble!

So for the remainder of the year, he let me be. School ended and summer came. Weeks soared by and the next thing I knew I was on a flight bound for Italy; considered to be a city of Love. We arrived in Florence and quickly became accustomed to daily life and the Italian culture, saying things like ‘Ciao!’ and ‘Grazie!’ on a constant basis.

As the days passed, I became enraptured with the city and all it had to offer. But it seemed like wherever I went HE followed me. Everyday I was bombarded by David imprinted t-shirts, mugs, magnets, aprons, key chains, figurines, all featuring different parts of him. I can’t even begin to count how many times I would see his manly parts on tourist souvenirs! I thought I had left all those ramblings behind, but instead I was greeted by thousands of people all of which praised the marble statue, much like a cult mob.

It wasn’t until the 3rd week in Florence that I decided to go to the Academia. I’d swallowed my pride just enough to go, realizing that if didn’t Nick wouldn’t only kill me, but give me a verbal beating afterward.

After passing through security and obtaining a ticket, I made my way into the first main room. Walls were covered with paintings and there was a large covering over a sculpture in the center of the room. I wasn’t sure where he was, so I began to wander. The more I walked the more anxious I became, which legitimately surprised me. The place wasn’t overly crowded, despite the long line that was currently standing out front.

As I pondered this, I approached a middle doorway that led into a larger room stuffed with people. I deduced this to be HIS room. I rolled my eyes and stepped into the throngs of tourists. I casually glanced to the right, with a look of indifference and a hint of curiosity.

It was then that I saw him…

My heart began to pound and I quickly looked away. My breathing picked up as I swiftly moved down the corridor to the left, leaving him behind. Waving through crowds of people, I practically ran to the first main room. Crossing the doorway, I let out a pent up breath.

HE WAS HUGE! Much bigger than I had imagined! He practically filled up the space with his body and the space that he didn’t physically occupy was taken up by his presence.

I straightened up, finding some composure. If I was going to see him, I would be doing it right. So I crossed the first threshold, into the corridor I had but a few seconds ago scurried through like a frightened mouse. Standing at the end of the long room, I starred as he stood poised at the other end. Still breathing with shallow breaths I began to walk towards him, crisscrossing with people around me, but never taking my eyes off of him.

Almost instantly I found myself standing directly in front of him, gaping. Thankful to not be blushing or drooling, I quickly moved to a corner off to the side out of the way of people. As I leaned against a pillar I tried desperately to take him all in, but it was to no avail. He was huge! And flawless. Every part crafted with precision and directness.

I was in love.

Off to the side and all around me I noticed people snapping photos, groping for the best shot while trying to elude the security. I looked at them and then up at him.

‘How can they even begin to capture him?’ I thought. ‘How can they display the sheer size of him or the breadth of his muscles and rib cage or the detail in his facial expression? There is no way, its impossible.’

I stood in that spot for 10 minutes before moving to a new location for another 10 and then another. That day I realized what the hype was all about and Nick’s obsession. So I had become one of them, one of the thousands of saps who have fallen in love with Michelangelo’s David.

And no matter how many duplicates I’d seen of him, no matter how many prints, photographs, or drawings, no matter how many souvenirs with his body plastered onto it, nothing matched the real thing. And it never would.

So the David Mania has taken another person, consuming them and implanting the mania within their heart. For always and forever. Always.

Note: The photos used were not taken by Karli Fischer… Nick Newland is the culprit!

Category : Shenanigans with Karls